PREPARING FOR PARENTHOOD

A WEBQUEST

So... you are going to be parents! What do you think about that!? Perhaps this is something that you have been long waiting and hoping for. Maybe this pregnancy was an unexpected, but not unwelcome, surprise. Possibly you are not very thrilled, but have decided to deal with it. Whatever the case, you are on this page because you realize that you are embarking on an exciting new part of your journey through life and you want to make the best of it.

You know that being a parent affords many opportunities to experience joy and happiness; but there are very difficult times, too. You will be many things to your child throughout his/her life, all of them very important. Dad and Mom are very responsible positions in your family and working together will be the best thing you can do for your child. What can you do to be prepared?

OK, you've been thinking about changing your living arrangements to make room for the new baby. You've probably been thinking about how you are going to provide financially for your family's needs, too. Pretty soon you will be choosing a name and starting to get together some baby furniture and clothing. These are all things you can see, touch, and do. But the big, underlying question is about relationships, isn't it? Am I ready to be a parent? How do I go about being a 'Mom'?... or a 'Dad'? What is happening, and is going to happen to the 'us' we have been?

Are you a little bit scared? Good for you! If you think this is going to be a breeze, you are in trouble! Now DADS -- listen up! This preparation stuff is for you at least as much as for the women. You see, men are usually not as prepared to be fathers as women are to be mothers. That is because boys more often play with cars and trucks, fix things or play games with their fathers, and run lawn-mowers or bag grocieries for extra money when they are growing up. Girls more often play with dolls, cook or craft with their mothers, and go out baby-sitting for extra money when they get older. It is a lot bigger change of focus for men than for women when they face preparing to become a parent. MOMS -- you need to understand some of what that father-to-be is going through as much as he needs to understand some of what you are experiencing. Parenting is a two-person job and a happy family is based on two people committed to understanding and supporting each other. By the way, mom, if you haven't yet registered your birthing partner, now would be a great time to go to Manage my Account and add a support person so you can both get going on together!

The following tasks will help you prepare together.

TASKS

1. Part of starting a family is choosing health care providers. Check out the web site for your insurance program and look at the choices they offer you for (1) a hospital, (2) a maternal care provider, and (3) a baby care provider. The Providers page on this site gives you a little general information about different types of providers.
2. Health Care Providers can be seen as 'repairmen' you hire to 'fix' you when you are sick. Or they can be seen as resources you can turn to for help when you need to manage a health-related issue while you take care of yourself. What is your approach? Do you want to make the decisions with a little bit of help? Do you want to depend on your provider to make the decisions? Does it depend on whether you (or your children) are sick or healthy? Remember that while pregnancy and childbirth sometimes involve complications, they are generally parts of a normal, healthy life.
   • Read this article at babycenter.com on choosing an obstetrician.
     
   • a. Discuss with your partner what approach you want to take to your family's medical care and which medical facilities and providers will meet your style best.
   • b. Visit the Labor and Delivery department of some of your hospital options, ask about the providers who deliver there, and visit some providers in their offices before you make your choices.
   • c. Remember to find a provider for your baby as well as for mother. Write down your choices on your notes page.
3. Check out this article about 'attachment' parenting. Wherever it says 'mother' substitute 'mother and father.' Talk with your partner about some of the things you want to make part of your family life. Use your note page to write some of them down. Remember that what you thought were great ideas now may not work in your family and be ready to go with the flow. Planning ahead is reassuring, but being willing to flex as needed is liberating.
4. If you go to this about.com site, you can follow as many links as you like to see about 'father' issues.
5. Follow up with this one on parenting.
   • Dads - please don't feel overwhelmed - feel important - talk with your companion about this.
   • Moms - please don't feel unimportant - feel supported - talk with your companion about this.
6. OK, now you can go back to the things you can see and touch and do (planning and fixing up the baby's room, etc.), if you want to. - (Actually, we will look at some more of those here in a few more months, so relax!)
7. Bring any ideas you would like to share to the Community of Pregnant People forum.

Good work! Next step - Choose another topic to look into now - or take a break and come back another time. But first, click on the Finished WebQuest link to keep track what you have done. Congratulations on your progress! Have a great day!

Finished Webquest! | Notes | Preparing for Parenthood Forums